Out on a High Wire

December 21, 2010

There’s a fine line…

Between right and wrong; genius and insanity; fact and fiction. Between comedy and tragedy; love and hate; excitement and danger; art and pornography. Between success and failure; perception and reality. There’s a fine line.

Somewhere, there is this microscopic division elusively chalked, deceptively drawn in the sand. Somewhere, there is a border and an other side. There exists– between the perfectly ok and horrendously offensive– a detectible limitation, however small it may be. In fact, the smaller this division, the more curiously appealing it’s location becomes.

Lately, I have found myself in the throes of a deep introspection. I know, what else is new? But something about this feels much more fundamental than my daily identity crisis– more tangible. It was pointed out to me that this may be what is referred to as a paradigm shift. That feels right.

I recognized this shift after a long stretch of unusual reservation on my part. Instead of boisterously participating in conversations, I noticed myself with minimal contribution. Not for lack of knowledge, but because I couldn’t pick a damn side. On anything. I tried writing and, before I could really complete a thought, found myself making a blatant counterpoint. It is frustrating to be so personally conflicted.

There is a fine line between knowing exactly what you mean, and having no clue what the fuck you are talking about.

So I’m standing somewhere near this fine line. I must be. It feels like everything and nothing, all at once. And the line is moving, creeping, edging further. It is changing, rearranging the landscape of everything I “know.” Meanwhile, grasping desperately at my ideologies, I feel them tumbling after. Jumbling into some familiar, yet foreign archetype of social framework.

I am wondering whether it’s just me, or if there’s not something at work in our collective consciousness– everyone testing the edges. As though humanity is trying to suss out where precisely that fine line lies. All of us pushing against the box at once.

It’s very subtle, yet legitimate; feels more like slide than a plunge. Cognizant evolution.

Whatever it is, I’m so ready.

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2 Responses to “Out on a High Wire”

  1. Ryan G Says:

    Kat-
    I find myself in agreement with you. We both seem to have over-active minds and indecision as a default; I too can see boths sides of a situation and often become inactive as a result. I have read that you no longer drink booze, I also have given up the hooch, for today at least. One thing I hear through my program is that we are not special folks and that we have a lot more in common than we do otherwise. You and me and many others who are learning to turn the spotlight away instead of shining it on ourselves are reaching for the group mind, the group consciousness. Our musical tasts reflect that; the Phish show is only partially about the band, it’s also about the Phellowship, travelling the country, seeing new things, meeting new people, sharing our knowledge. We, together, are on the journey and we are to be fearless.


    • “We, together, are on the journey and we are to be fearless.”

      ^^ LOVE.
      What a strange generation to be a part of. The uncertainty of everything. The world could end tomorrow by the hands of man– nuclear war is very real– and we’ve all learned to say it with a laugh.
      Our alternative is feeling that reality every day, letting it weigh on each of us as individuals. Would that change anything? Not sure, but it’s not what we are experiencing.
      Instead we spend our days living on the optimistic side of that line– even the cynics– because humans want more than anything to believe… in something. Anything. But we toe the line and, as we move forward into a world where the news flashes us dog-shows and genocides in the same 2-minute reel, it’s getting harder to discern whether there’s a boundary there at all…


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